Raiméis

Bit bored today, normal Monday feeling (yeah I know it’s Tuesday) so I thought I’d play with the news headlines again and funnily enough one of the items in the news today was in the news last time I had fun with headlines.

BBC: Verdict due in Scream theft trial
Verdict just in: It’s still a shit painting.

BBC: PM bids to lift beleaguered party
For his next trick he’ll balance a car on his nose while farting the theme tune to Dallas. Shows daily at 2pm and 5pm. OAP free admission.

BBC: David Blaine enters a ‘human aquarium’ in his latest stunt
The world prays in unison … please let the motherfucker drown!

BN: Masked gang shoots man in legs
Police say gang leader is male, has dark hair, is well built and closely resembles Bob the Builder.

ABC News: Flu Spray Better Than Shots for Toddlers
Says a Health Department Spokesperson: “We reckon giving toddlers the flu is the best way of preventing them getting the flu … oh no wait … that can’t be right …”

Guardian: ‘French Watergate’ threatens Chirac
We keep telling him, stop fucking with the water gate or it’ll eventually give way!

Fox: Nepal Leaders Struggle With Cabinet Makeup
According to Nepal’s Prime Minister … “at first we thought perhaps lightening the skin tone, adding some dark mascara and bright lipstick would be nice, but it really makes the cabinet look like a ho. We’re not good at this, we need 5 queers.”