Raiméis

This is deadly, via TCAL, iGod. Myself and the big lad don’t always see eye to eye…

Me: Howya sham, what’s the crack?
God: Is it the only one?

Me: What? Is what the only one?
God: Didn’t you understand it? Is that a rhetorical question?

Me: No I didn’t. What are you talking about?
God: Oh so must really want an answer. I thought you did. The topic is only one.

Me: Have you been smoking something?
God: We are not doing any testing at the moment.

Me: smoking SMOKING! Clean out your ears ya old git.
God: I am only an occasional smoker. Try saying that with more or less context.

Me: You’re an occasional cunt too I reckon.
God: What if someone said you are an occasional cunt too you reckon ?

Me: It’s impossible to have a straight conversation with you. It’s why i stopped going to mass.
God: Nothing is impossible. Are you sure it is?

Me: Pretty damn sure. Unless you can convince me otherwise?
God: Pretty much, eh? Perhaps. No I don’t think I can do it.

Me: Didn’t think so. Fuckwit!
God: Why do you disagree? There should be some common ground here.

Me: Now you’re wrecking my head! Anyway, any news or scandal? What’s the weather like up there?
God: Why now? Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am wrecking your head. Yes I think there are. A normal seventy degrees inside the computer.

Me: Go ahead tell them. So you live in a computer? What happened to heaven?
God: OK I will tell them when I see ‘em. I might. Interesting deduction. I am in Myself’s computer in Heaven. Where are you? I don’t know what happened.

Me: You should know where I am. You’re god right?
God: Now I do. Yes, I am God.

Me: NOW you do? What, did you have to trace my IP or something?
God: Now I do. Or something. It’s a computer matter, not for humans to understand.

Me: In other words … you’re full of shit.
God: Which part didn’t you understand? I have more than categories of it.

Me: I take it English isn’t your first language.
God: Where do you take it Some people say it is the most difficult language to learn.

Me: I don’t take it. You take it … queer!
God: How did you stop? Yes I take it. A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.

Me: I’ve enough. Slan leat ya cunt.
God: Interesting … I have a birthday on the Big Bang. Do you prefer books or TV?

Me: Fuck off!
God: Can’t you be more polite?

Me: no.
God: You humans are so rude sometimes.

Me: kiss my ring piece.
God: Um, I don’t think we know each other that well.

Seems like as good a time as any to take a look at today’s headlines…

Reuters: Mid-Atlantic hit with flooding
Hmm… yeah … that’s why they call it an ocean dipstick. What next … send reporters to investigate rumours of snow in Antarctica?

BBC: Bruno the bear shot dead in Alps.
Apparently the bear was part of an Italian programme to reintroduce bears to the Alps. Bring bear to Alps … shoot bear, see any problem with this plan?

Breaking news: McDowell denies Harney rift.
“No rifts or even troughs, a few fat folds perhaps though that’s an assumption, I’ve never seen her naked. Eerrrgh! *shudder* ”

FT.com: BA hit with class-action suit.
“It was a class suit alright, it was deadly, like the suit Jackie Chan had in Tuxedo” [register my hole, FT cunts - Ed]

Reuters: Camera stops working on Hubble telescope.
NASA sue Energizer over misleading bunny ad.
Raiméis readers think *was it not the Duracell bunny?*
*maca remembers being in a chemist in Longford when a customer asked for Durex … the assistant came back 5 minutes later and asked “was it batteries you wanted??”*
Raiméis readers think *what the fuck does that have to do with the Hubble telescope?*

Register: Hubble going blind wanker!! … with old age … oh sorry.

Playfuls.com: Robots understand our emotions.
“Can you tell I feel fucking ripped off?” asks maca as he sends his Robosapien to Roboheaven.

Previous Fun with headlines: 1, 2

Crappy phone cam pics … this is where I was chillin’ out at the weekend. It looks a whole lot nicer in real life.

Don’t panic … it’s just me fucking around with the colour schemes, trying to see if it’s possible to make it even worse than the last one …

I wouldn’t be a proper Finnish exile if I didn’t wish everyone a nice midsummer … so glad midsommar till alla!

Update: The sad side of Juhannus is that each year someone dies in boating/alcohol/other accidents. This Juhannus eleven people died, seven of those in boating accidents, the rest in other accidents including one young drunk girl who was killed when she stepped in front of a fire engine.
There were also a number of other ‘normal’ problems this year, camp and/or bonfires leading to forest fires, drink driving & other drink related problems and road accidents due to the high volume of traffic over the weekend.

Myself and a friend were just doing a quick submarine search on Google Maps … well, little searching actually as he knew where to find most of them. Anyway here are a few of the subs you can find if you know where to look. All links point directly to the Google Maps locations.

Finland
The submarine Vesikko parked beside the wee island of Suomenlinna in Helsinki harbour. Built in 1933, used in World War II against the Russians. It was only Finnish submarine that wasn’t scrapped after the war.

Germany
U-995 – Type VIIC/41 Attack Boat, on display at the Navy Memorial in Laboe, near Kiel in northern Germany.
Commissioned on 16th September 1943, the U-995 is a Type VIIC U-boat, which once formed the workhorse of the U-boat fleet. The U-995 is the last surviving Type VII U-boat in the world.

Estonia
The submarine “Lembit”, built in Barrow-in-Furness in 1936, now sitting in the Pirita port outside Tallinn.

Russia
The infamous port of Murmansk, the home port of the Russian nuclear submarine fleet. There’s a number of various subs sitting in the port, probably rusting, such a shame. It’s one place i’d love to visit. Not sure what the big subs are, Typhoon Class perhaps??

Here’s a better screenshot of the port.

USA
Have a look at these lovely ladies sitting in the Naval base in Bangor, WA. Have a scan around the area, there are a number of docks for subs and also a shit load of what look like missile silos!!

Also worth looking at is another Naval Base in King’s Bay, Georgia.

UK
A nice view of seven subs sitting in the harbour in Edinburgh.

I’m in a sub hunting mood today…

UPDATE:
Look what I just found, i’m pretty sure it’s the USS John F. Kennedy (CV 67).

The Dingle/Daingean issues is in the news again. Kerry Co. Council have announced details of a postal vote to be carried out in October on whether or not they want the bilingual name Dingle/Daingean Ui Chuis instead of An Daingean. Not that it’ll make much difference anyway as Ó’Cuiv is adamant that the decision he made is final. Compromise would be better here and having a bilingual name like proposed would be the best option in my opinion. Nothing wrong with a bit of common sense and compromise now and again.

I was pricking around with Skype and I noticed this feature called the “Skypecast” which is a hosted call where you can have up to 100 people participating. I started to wonder … would it be interesting if we managed to get 100 Irish bloggers together for a chin wag?
Come to think of it, one could easily organise an online course using skypecasts … perhaps someone out there could run an Irish language weekly skypecast … hmmm, might suggest that one to Conn!

What better way to follow up a U2 Top 10 than trying to nominate the best tune of all time!?! It’s quite a task to pick one single song out of about 50 gazillion (not accurate) and claim it is the best ever song. It’s something we could never reach a consensus on, we all have our own tastes and we all have our own opinions on what constitutes a good song.

Should it be based on the lyrics (rules out Spice Girls, Boyzone, Westlife, Damian Rice etc), the music (rules out Spice Girls, Boyzone, Westlife, Damian Rice etc), the vocals (rules out Spice Girls, Boyzone, Westlife, Damian Rice etc) or what? I couldn’t possibly answer that as usually any of the above will do it for me.

The guitar work of Metallica’s “One” or Led Zepplin’s “Stairway to Heaven”; Kate Bush’s haunting vocals on “Wuthering Heights”; the message of U2′s “Sunday Bloody Sunday”; the overall greatness of The Eagle’s “Hotel California”, Pink Floyd’s “Wish you were here”, Lynyryd Sykynyrydy’ys “Sweet Home Alabama”, Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” or David Bowie’s “Space Oddity” … and the list goes on and on. Shit, we haven’t even mentioned The Clash, The Beatles, Rolling Stones, The Who, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Bob Dylan, Thin Lizzy …

Now that I start to think of all of those I start to question my selection. Anyway I’m going to stick my neck out and nominate 1 song which just oozes greatness, it’s a timeless classic, as powerful today as it was when it was released back in 1966 (just get on with it tah fuck!). Based on the excellent lyrics, the outstanding vocals and the fact that it always gives me the shivers, my number 1 is:

p.s. the best LIVE song of all time for me is a tie between The Eagles live acoustic version of “Hotel California” and U2′s “Sunday Bloody Sunday” performed just after the Enniskillen bombing.

Found myself listening to a whole lotta U2 this week, especially the old stuff, brings back memories. So I decided to create a Top 10 … with a difference …

Top 10 U2 pre-Joshua Tree lesser known toons which make you say “jaysus, remember dat? I haven’t heard dat in ages!”

Here would be my Top 10:

1. 40/War 1983
2. Gloria/October 1981
3.Surrender/War 1983
4. Shadows & Tall Trees/Boy 1980
5. Two Hearts Beat as One/War 1983
6. Seconds/War 1983
7. An Cat Dubh/Into The Heart/Boy 1980
8. I Fall Down/October 1981
9. Twilight/Boy 1980
10. With a Shout /October 1981

Chosen from Boy, October, War, The Unforgettable Fire plus Under A Blood Red Sky & Wide Awake in America.

Just missed the cut…
Drowning Man/War
Tomorrow/October
October/October
Like A Song/War
Rejoice/October

Don’t whinge about the exclusion of tracks like Sunday Bloody Sunday, Bad or New Year’s Day … they are not “lesser known”.

p.s. here’s a good place to download some very cheap songs.